I recently rewatched the movie Dan in Real Life. Sometimes I am pulled back to movies I’ve already seen or books I’ve already read because I get a strong sense that these texts have a message for me at the time, something I need or perhaps something I’m missing.
And after catching the very end of the movie “by chance” (“coincidences” always have purpose) recently on TV and then talking to a friend who also recently saw this movie, I was reminded of the lovely last line from the main character Dan, played by Steve Carrell:
“Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.”
~Dan in Real Life
A prevalent theme for so many people is the fruitlessness of planning too long term these days. My five-year ARM for my condo ends at the end of next month, and I admit I thought I’d be in a different place at this point. At 35, I thought I’d be with Mr. Partner and kids by now. Friends come and go, the economy poses challenges many of us did not anticipate, and I’ve incorporated choices and beliefs into my life that were not part of my upbringing.
But one thing has remained: I have been surprised. More than ever, I’ve also learned the beauty of detachment. “What will be will be” has become a mantra with a positive, not dreaded, edge. Surrender. It’s when we start with our ideas and our true passions and then watch and listen for the guidance only we know is right for us that the Universe seems to give us green lights. Things unfold in miraculous, surprising ways, and we are assured we’re on the right path. Pushing too hard for that relationship, job, communication, among so many other things, without results seems to tell us something–often to let it go… for now, for a long time, perhaps forever–and know that something just as good or even better awaits. In fact, I’ve learned from other spiritual teachers and have shifted my specific prayers and intentions to “I ask for this or something better.”
We like to plan; I really like to plan but have let a lot more go since living in Boulder, I admit. Last year when I left the
country for the very first time and traveled to Switzerland and Germany for two weeks with just the essentials in my backpack, the only reservations I had were travel dates and my ticket, certain dates with my friends in Zürich after first arriving, and my overnight stay in Frankfurt, the night before I would board the plane to return home. Otherwise, I stayed open, residing a night or two in several cities throughout southern Germany, learning from locals what they might recommend and reading my guidebook as I went. I surprised myself and several people who know me with my lack of planning, but I had such an fantastic, blessed time. All things were as they should have been. It felt liberating, and everything that happened was just what I needed, even getting on the wrong train with some new friends I’d just met and waiting–and conversing and laughing–at a deserted train station with these kind folks from Oregon for some time.
On a bar of lovely Sun Turtle Naturals lemongrass soap I recently opened were the words “TURTLE WISDOM: Life’s little detours are filled with purpose.” Even in the toughest of tragedies, all is as it should be. Somehow. I’ve learned that kids, pets and the birth/death life cycle are some of the greatest teachers of trusting interruptions and the unexpected. And I’m also reminded of the adage from John Lennon: “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.” Of course, we need to plan on some level for things to happen and progress–they just may not all be what we were expecting. So, trust all is well and plan to be surprised.
Funny thing: I am finding that, at this particular point in my life, your words have particular relevance: there are many specifics that I want for myself right now, but I am finding it a much more comfortable place to be when I set my intentions (” ‘a’ relationship”, for example, rather than ” ‘this’ relationship”) and then let go and see what happens: it’s all good!
Exactly. We need to be specific, as much as we wish, when we manifest but also open. The Universe can get pretty creative with responses, as many of us know, but also has our highest good in mind. 🙂
I just saw that movie again, too…weird…
I loved this blog! It’s SO true. You ROCK, my sista! Love you. 🙂
Ma sista! 🙂 Great to hear from you. Thanks for your comments. Hope we can watch this movie together someday. *You* rock, ma sista. Let’s talk on the phone soon. Love you, too. 🙂
My response is related to less profound circumstances but I think still relevant. I’ve been consumed with the possibilities of getting back to Wisconsin and how best to go about it. I remain optimistic about the ideas of flying or driving by myself with a 2 and 3 year old at the same time as being realistic. Many scenarios have come up and many of them have not worked out to have some help and company. There is only so much planning you can do and at the end of the day, you have to remain open to the fact that you could have an unhappy child on a plane or 2 kids that sit great and listen well. Allowing enough time and setting us up for success as best as I can, keeping a positive attitude about dealing with all the adventures of traveling with 2 small children is what I can do. Being open to the possibilities and surprises, good or bad, is the way to go.
It was therapeutic to read your blog and reinforce how life is what we make it and our attitude has so much to do with what we can get out of things especially when it doesn’t go the way we planned.
What you have to say in your blog is always uplifting, inspiring and well stated. I appreciate all your efforts to put it out there for others to benefit from too.
Thanks, sweetie. So true. Your two little ones will definitely create adventure whatever you decide, but you will have sweet moments, no matter what. Have the camera ready to capture some of those moments because–challenging or joyous–they will be moments for sure. 🙂 In fact, take pictures of even the tougher times, with the promise that you will laugh about it later, at some point, even with your boys. Enjoy the surprises, hon. And honor your need to visit WI, too, trusting the importance of the goal and valuing the experience. 🙂 Much love, safe travels and guidance with your decision and trip.