This blog post is not about preventing horrific tragedies like our recent Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, though I continue to send so much love and light to the families, those lost and those who remain. I’ve been guided to say something about the many opportunities on a daily basis to keep our kids and perhaps even kids we don’t know… safe. Have you stood up for, or would you stand for, a child needing defense and protection in some way?

This morning I smiled and felt gratitude as I read a story about a waiter in Houston who stood up for a young boy with Down Syndrome:

A Houston waiter who refused to serve a customer last week did not lose his job. Instead, Michael Garcia is being celebrated for standing up for a little boy with Down syndrome, with people stopping to shake his hand at the restaurant where regulars are made to feel like part of the family.

One of those regulars, Kim Castillo, was at Laurenzo’s Prime Rib in Houston last week when several waiters stopped by her table. Her 5-year-old son, Milo, who has Down syndrome and whose speech is a little delayed, was showing off his new words and talking about his birthday the week earlier.

A family sitting nearby asked to move away from  the Castillo family’s table, and a man in the group made a disparaging remark about Milo.

“I heard the man say, ‘Special needs children need to be special somewhere else,’” Garcia told NBC affiliate KPRC-TV in. “My personal feelings took over, and I told him, ‘I’m not going to be able to serve you, Sir.’”

“‘How could you say that?’” Garcia said he asked the man before he left the restaurant with his party. “‘How could you say that about a beautiful 5-year-old angel?’”

~ Lisa Flam, NBC News, “Waiter Hailed as Hero after Standing up for Boy…”

Experiencing physical and emotional abuse from age five through 17 from my former step-father, I am extra-sensitive when people do not protect their own kids or even kids with whom they share contact. Lately I admit I’ve been thinking a lot about this issue, as I’ve had to face my former abuser, most recently when he arrived at my grandfather’s wake (see my last post about my recent grandfather’s passing). Even after 20+ years, my stomach still turns to see him; I’ve not had a formal conversation with him since he kicked me (literally) out of my home when I was 17. And I will need to see him on occasion, even though he and my mom are divorced, as he is the father of my two youngest beloved siblings. To add to this discomfort and contemplation, at my grandfather’s wake, he asked me to “get a cup of coffee sometime” when I’m next in town. My gut is still resistant to this contact, and recently two dear friends have offered an interesting, great suggestion of asking him why he’d like to get together. I still don’t feel safe with him but can tell you now I’d protect myself in ways I couldn’t when I was a child, even in choosing not to see him or be in contact. The following is an excerpt from my recent writing about this man.

I remember having several moments in my childhood where I felt in my gut that John was wrong. When he insisted I read a Hitler-esque dog-training manual when I was in grade school and instructed me to hurl a ball of heavy link chain at our golden retriever or hit her under her muzzle with my fist if she misbehaved, I could never do these things.

As I learned in school the dangers of drunk driving and was encouraged to speak honestly and from a place of feelings, I stood outside our station wagon at the end of one Christmas night in the freezing Wisconsin winter cold, refusing to get in the car—he was drunk. Eventually, after praying a family member would come out of the house and stop him from driving or that my mom would insist on driving, I was physically forced into the car eventually by my step-father and coaxed by my mother’s words to get into the vehicle, where my three younger siblings were already seat-belted and sleepy. I knew getting into the car was wrong, and I was terrified—and counting—each time we crossed the middle, yellow, solid road lines—again.

Fear was a daily feeling in our home, as I recall a kitchen cabinet door could unexpectedly slam my head, followed by a smile and insincere “oops” or “you’re in my way,” among countless other frequent acts of abuse. Fast-forward to the height of it all: A night of experiencing physical and verbal violence, ending with being—literally—kicked out of my home, and I finished high school, living with my grandparents.

~Erika M. Schreck, “Write the Truth,”
writing about ex-step-father, January 2013

I’ve been thinking a lot about keeping myself safe with these recent and inevitable future encounters with my ex-step-father and how I’ve prioritized keeping kids safe because I need to do what I can to protect little ones when others aren’t doing so. In high school, while working at a grocery store as a cashier, I called social services on a woman who proceeded to beat her child in my check-out line and had three customers looking on in horror. But no one did or said anything. She wrote a check, which I took as Divine Intervention to do something, even inwardly feeling I may receive reprimand somehow with my job. I was 15 and unable to do much about my own abuse at home, and my act was honestly liberating; this woman did, in fact, have a record of being reviewed for her parenting, I was told. In my undergraduate college years, I volunteered at a family violence shelter for women and children, offering child care while their mothers attended a weekly supportive, therapeutic group.

I realize that laws, uncertainty, fear and a continuing list of reasons stop us from saying something to a parent berating a child publicly or using physical force, and often abuse is hidden in the home. It may not always be clear when we “should” or have a right to intervene if we sense or witness ill treatment of a child. We often know in our gut, though; even the waiter in the earlier story I shared noted, “my personal feelings took over.” My childhood abuse honestly feels like another life, and I see no other path but honesty, with the intention of helping and inspiring others; I’m not crying as I write this and have been grateful for many years of therapy and growing self-awareness and healthy life choices. I truly don’t want any sympathy but more so growing commitment to keeping our kids safe from violent hands and harmful, wrecking words and neglect. Again, I urge us all to not ignore when we “just know” or “really feel” something is not right when we see a child unsafe, and our action or words may involve professional services that can help support us in a myriad of ways. Let safety rule.

On a bit of a lighter, makes-me-smile-now note: Last fall, while nannying for my sweet girls, the three-year-old was having a complete melt-down at the end of the driveway. Logistically, I needed to get her and her sister, already in the backyard, in the house and would not leave her alone or out of my sight. As this precious one continued to wail and shout with an outstretched, flat hand, “I NEED MY SPACE(!),” I lovingly said something like, “Sweetie, I am going to give you your space, but I want you to be SAFE. I won’t leave you alone or by yourself out here. I’m going to pick you up and bring you to the backyard, so we’re with your sister, and we’re all SAFE. I want you to be safe in your space, honey.”  So, I gently picked up this screaming child, still yelling, “I need my space (!),” through crocodile tears. As I placed her on the backyard deck and let her cry it out, I reminded her with so much sincerity, “Sweetie, I want you to always be SAFE in your SPACE. I love you so much.”  Anyone looking on may see this story as humorous in some ways or even concerned, but part of my point is to remind our kids that we need to prioritize the safe choices and distinguish what is safe and what is not. Even when I taught college-level writing, I’d tell my students before a weekend or break, “Be safe and have fun–I didn’t necessarily tell you to be good, but I did say be safe.”

I am so grateful for my power, age and awareness now and will continue to protect and stand up for kids who do not yet have these aspects in their favor.

© Erika M. Schreck and Turtle Healing Energy, 2013. All rights reserved.

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Local resources I’ve worked with on many levels and recommend here in the Boulder, Colorado, area, which offer great resources and support regarding safety, abuse and empowerment, include the following:

Courage is Change
Liz Oster, Founder
“It STOPS with Me”
“end the generational cycle of abuse and violence by empowering children, youth and adults to create non-violent communities through healthy relationship development”
Click here for Courage is Change website

I Am Subject
Diane DeBella, Founder
“offers opportunities for girls and women to experience growth and support”
Click here for I Am Subject website

Moving to End Sexual Assault (MESA)
“end suffering in our community caused by sexual assault”
Boulder, CO
Click here for MESA website