During our seasonal month of costumes, fear-filled movies and increased spookiness, I’m reminded of the many types of fears we all face, daily. Lately I’ve been especially noticing and considering the variance in reactions I receive when I mention my experiences with deceased loved ones.

I respect that people respond to death and stories of connecting to the deceased in their own ways, for good reasons. At times people don’t believe in the spiritual realm, some religious traditions warn of connecting with the Other Side,  often people associate fear with an encounter with spirits, and even more often people are curious and very interested in hearing about experiences with the deceased. I’ve been having experiences with deceased loved ones visiting me since I was quite young and felt it was pretty normal; as I grew in my spiritual knowledge and practices, I began to sense beings around other people, in certain spaces and homes, and connect with others’ deceased loved ones in my reiki sessions and card readings, and also found that messages and other elements I shared were helpful and healing. You can read my blog post from earlier this year, which talks more about mediumship, “Taking the ‘Me’ out of Mediumship,” here.

Suppose you speak with a neighbor who tells you that she has weekly discussions with her deceased mother. Or you talk with a close friend whose daughter was killed, and she says that her child returns to her frequently in the form of a butterfly. You might wonder whether these people are deluding themselves, whether they are experiencing hallucinations, whether they are clinging to a relationship that they are unable to relinquish, or whether they are denying the reality of the death….  Clinicians have come to recognize the value of a continuing connection with the deceased.

~ Camille Wortman, PhD, “Communicating with the Deceased,”
PBS: This Emotional Life, Grief & Loss Blog

I “can’t not” (read need to) believe in “the Other Side”—a spiritual realm in which those who have died reside [there are more layers, but this definition is a working, starting one]. One of my more recent, powerful events: About six weeks ago, as I was closing programs and internet screens on my computer and readying for bed a bit after midnight, I suddenly felt and saw my long-term-ex-boyfriend’s father next to me. I knew that this man had been diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, but I had not been in regular contact with the family. When I saw Tom, I was taken by surprise and then heard his words, urging “Google my obituary.” Shaking off any notion that I had simply reached an overly tired, dream-time state, I indeed used Google with his name and obituary, and I found it; he’d died two days before. He continued with an apology to me, words for his wife and then a rather comical but understandable sign-off, and he was gone.

I was amped. My heart was racing, and I continually processed what just happened. The experience was so powerful in that moment, and no matter how many times my own deceased father had shown up or how many other deceased had communicated with me, my energy level soared, and I wasn’t able to settle down for bed until at least 3 a.m. that night. I took a moment to e-mail this man’s wife, to let her know that her husband had just visited me—however strange or not strange it sounded, and to express my sympathy and care. I saw this encounter as a gift, as well: I could send condolences and a plant to the funeral home, as services were during the next two days. Tom had visited in a timely manner, as far as I could tell. I’m also grateful that I could actually explain my fatigue to a dear friend the next morning, announcing something like “So, yeah, I didn’t exactly sleep much last night, especially since my long-time ex’s deceased father showed up.” Said friend understands, and I have a few friends and family members with whom I can naturally share these kinds of happenings.

My intention is not to scare or push beliefs onto anyone; instead, I share my role as a witness to the deceased and their connections. I also emphasize with anyone concerned about seeing, hearing or sensing spirits that we are powerful and can ask any spirit to leave at any time. I also advise those with whom I’m conversing that we only welcome beings of the Light. One of the most common questions I get when I open up about my stories with the deceased is “Aren’t you scared?”  Honestly, no. It’s similar to experiencing curiosity when a stranger or even someone familiar approaches you in public with unique, intriguing, she/he-couldn’t-have-known-that information and needs to tell you. At times I’ve been surprised when a spirit has woken me up in the middle of the night, appeared next to me unexpectedly (like Tom), or shown up in a reiki session, but I’m not scared. I’m learning and partly assuming that the scary aspect of a deceased loved one trying to communicate seems present for many people because of an inherent fear of death, uncertainty of the details of what happens after we die, and the belief that something unpleasant will happen during or after the encounter.

There is a body of research about the continuing presence of deceased loved ones, termed After Death Communication (ADC). The consensus of the literature is that the different forms of communication and contact are profoundly comforting and reassuring to the bereaved.

ADCs include intuiting the presence of the deceased, awareness of a touch, smelling a scent, hearing a voice, having a vivid dream, and/or seeing the deceased. It is estimated that over fifty million people have had such an experience, but many are hesitant to share these reconnections for fear of judgment and misunderstanding. Statistics can be a powerful source of confirmation, but individuals who have experienced the dream that is beyond vivid, or have heard the comfort of words from their deceased loved are convinced that their experience was real and not a hallucination. The sense of peace and comfort from these spontaneous connections happen at any time during or after death, and have been reported immediately or years after a death.

The more we openly discuss and share these experiences, the more we will come to accept the extraordinary as ordinary and normal. As with the subject of death, when we bring it out of the closet and into the light, we remove the stigma, myths, and fears surrounding the subject. We open ourselves to lessons that enhance our ability to live in the world.

~ Lani Leary, “Death is Not a Dial Tone,” No One Has to Be Alone

I wish we’d talk about these kinds of experiences more. I love hearing the details and seeing the joy and relief in people’s faces when they share their stories of how a deceased loved one reached out or how they received information from the spiritual realm. Sometimes there are tears. Most accounts reveal gratitude and awe.

My intention with any of my intuitive and spiritual work is always kept in my and others’ highest good; I work in a protected, clean, well-intentioned, light-filled manner. Any time you’re choosing to acknowledge or communicate with those on the Other Side, if your intention is pure, and you are acting with respect and in the highest good for yourself and others, the main fears you’re probably facing are the unknown and our mortality. The beautiful gifts in having experiences with our deceased loved ones (whether initiated by us or the deceased) include knowing that physical death doesn’t need to end relationships completely, receiving more information and clarity, and feeling greater peace and love. I know that everyone will still not be comfortable with the idea of reaching out to or believing in contact with deceased loved ones, and that’s fine. Again, I’m not here to push. My big hope is that more people can be open to the possibilities of connection to loved ones in spirit and have less, if any, fear with these kinds of connections.

We are Spiritual beings having a human experience. Each of us has the ability to connect “home” to the Other Side. Your belief system can help or hinder this process. Opening your heart and mind will allow Infinite Universal Love and Wisdom to flow freely within.

~ Center for Mediumship

 

© Erika M. Schreck and Turtle Healing Energy, 2012. All rights reserved.