The shell must break
before the bird can fly.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson

What is your shell that keeps you from growth, excitement, happiness, possibility? Lately, my own limitations have been fear and money, but, without risks, I wouldn’t get to experience so many wonderful changes or opportunities to see what’s better.

The more my space increases from leaving a job that was no longer serving me and actually stifling me, the more I realize how ingrained I became in the comfortable. After a long period of doing something even unhealthy, when we stay in the relationship or job or continue another type of pattern for so long, we can get stuck in the box. Currently, I’m climbing out of my own box, breaking through the shell, realizing with great uncertainty but also some excitement that great things can lie ahead and that a blank canvas is waiting for me to fill it. Scary? Heck yeah.

Fear has been visiting a bit more than I like or care to admit these days, especially in the financial area, as I apply for jobs and maintain practices I love, such as my reiki, my writing and my crafting.  I cycle in and out of the fear, the positive, the process of manifesting, the questions of others. But I’m realizing that the biggest challenge is actually having the gift of doing something totally different in my life, something that will yield a joyful, fulfilled path. This process has demanded that I recalibrate, which has included completely shifting (still working on that) ways to “make a living” and construct a life. I don’t recognize where I am now, but I’m putting one foot in front of the other and staying in my moments as much as I can. Having worked at least two jobs (yes, sometimes more) at once for the last 21 years, I’ve been slowly letting go of an exhausting work model, but it’s all I’ve known. Having worked in an industry for so long (teaching college-level writing) that became comfortable yet toxic, I’ve been working on seeing other viable options for employment. But letting go of these patterns feels wonderful—no regrets. Recalibrating.

But back to breaking that shell. In one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, Brooks, one of the characters who has been in jail for the longest, is released but is unable to function in the free world after being institutionalized so long, and main characters Red and Andy discuss the effects of being institutionalized and not knowing anything else. Any time we find ourselves in a situation where we are losing our sense of self and unable to see beyond the box—rules, expectations, conduct, control, abuse, strain—blocking our authentic selves and healthy selves, why do we sometimes stay there? It can be so tough to leave the familiar, to trust that things could actually be better, to believe we deserve something better. We need to be brave, or we can stay stuck, and we always have choices.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~Anaïs Nin

How beautiful it is to fly… to blossom… to risk. Beautifully necessary.